Words from the old curmudgeon, by Joe Enright

In other news I notice the Bike-Nazi-Politicos have proposed eliminating parking for the Not-Really-Affordable-Housing (NRAH) going up in “transit rich zones.” Our new Beep, Antonio Reynoso, leads a cast of nine Brooklyn Council members, including Alexa Avilés (Red Hook/Sunset Park) and Lincoln Restler (Dumbo/Boerum Hill) who sent a letter (penned by Reynoso and Restler but yet to find its way online as of this writing) to City Planning extolling their grand idea.

They think if we don’t build parking garages in the new basements, all those new residents will be forced to ride bikes or take mass transit.

Hey, Politicos, how’s that been working out in transit-rich Park Slope for the past three decades where plenty of evidence exists that at any given time, most cars in Park Slope are endlessly circling, looking for parking? A lot of them wander down to Gowanus. Now they can mingle with the flotilla of NRAH vehicles looking for a spot. Wheeee!

Funny thing about folks who live in NRAH. If they can afford a million dollar condo, they will damn sure find a way to bring their humongous SUV along to their new digs. And because they can never find parking, they’ll drive it to work more often in the hope of finding parking there, or just double-park it somewhere. I predict a new gig-economy occupation will soon be upon us: a Jeeves for Condo Masters (JCMs). Can’t find a spot in the morning or after returning home? Just call Jeeves and he or she will park it somewhere (miles away), then retrieve it as needed. An army of JCMs will spring up, allowing for retrievals and pick-ups to be distributed among multiple JCMs. Of course, since Red Hook is among the sandiest of transit deserts, developers will still have to build spaces for some of their occupants. But perhaps it will become a favored locale for JCMs. Maybe the Politicos will then decree that JCMs deserve the first crack at the NRAH that by then will be TRRUH (Truly-Really-Really-Unaffordable Housing). Time will tell.

Finally, the studies I’ve seen about successfully getting transit-shy citizens out of their cars seem to point to trolleys and light rail as the best bet (dependable, quicker). But apparently the trolley lobby has never had the kind of money the automotive lobbyists have always had to sling around to keep all those crowded buses crawling amidst the cars looking for parking. It was obvious the de Blazio streetcar dream, BXQ, was fueled by developer money, not trolley bucks. Which brings us back to the Interborough Express, hopefully.

And oh, by the way, the Brooklyn Heights Association proudly announced that eliminating a lane on the BQE and Brooklyn Bridge, aka, kicking the Promenade problem down the road for 10 years by adding misery to thousands of trips every day, “did not clog local streets.” So we can all be grateful for that, I guess. Unless you live on Hicks or Clinton Streets which seem pretty clogged to me thanks to Waze steering eastbound traffic off the BQE at Hamilton Ave now to avoid the “Kick the Can Lane Eliminations.” And so it goes. Take me now, Jesus, I’m ready!

Joe Enright

70 years in Brooklyn, 40 years in law enforcement. Favorite color is purple.