The High-Value Man Conversation: Where’s the Quality? by Roderick Thomas

Defining High-Value

The monetary worth of something, a fair return or equivalent in goods or services, or relative worth, utility, or importance. These statements are definitions of the word value. Now, browse the web in the self-help and dating spheres, and you may come across the phrase, high-value man. The use of the term high-value man has been growing in popularity among some men, younger Black men in particular. However, disturbing themes of routine misogyny, and hypercapitalism appear in conversations of men who promote high-value ‘dating’ and self-worth metrics. So, what is a high-value man? And why am I bored of its problematic usage?

While its origins are murky, Kevin Samuels, a popular Black online image consultant, is widely credited with coining the phrase. The term high-value man as it is commonly used today refers to a man of means and influence. The stand-alone definition isn’t problematic or new, society has always valued wealthy men. However, the accepted inclusion of misogyny as a dating technique within the high-value conversation is worrisome.

In December 2020, Kevin Samuels’ popularity skyrocketed after a video of him berating a young Black woman for her looks went viral. The video is popularly known as the ‘average at best’ video, and is closely tied to the rise of conversations around high-value men. The woman in the video, a six-figure earner and entrepreneur, expressed her desire for a mate who made a similar income or more. Kevin Samuels did not attempt to spare her feelings and said,

[Those men aren’t looking for you, what would you rate your face? You are average looking at best.]

Black Male Dating Coaches

Kevin Samuels has repeated this type of rhetoric, to much success and public support from quite a few Black men. Yet, he’s far from the only one, other online content creators promote high-value man, or alpha male rhetoric putting women in subservient roles. Led by many Black male content creators, much of the conversation around high-value coupling occurs without any discussion of conscientiousness, emotional intelligence, or even financial literacy.
High-value man, alpha male videos, etc. are adjacent to, or share space with the pick-up artist community. In these communities, women are to be helpful, sexually available subordinates.

While speaking to a group of women on his youtube show, Samuels, 57, embarked on a men vs women conversation ––– mature. In the video (published Feb, 2021), Kevin is seen telling a woman that women are needed for reproduction, but men are needed for protection and reproduction.

Samuels goes on to use the Marvel character Thanos, as an example.

[In the Avengers, Thanos snaps his finger and half the universe disappears. If men disappeared like that, women wouldn’t have the time to catch up. Men are the ones working in these power plants. What percentage of these kinds of jobs do you think are held by women?]– Kevin Samuels

Samuels fails to acknowledge the complex social networks and behaviors of humans. His analysis of a woman’s value often boils down to her ability to reproduce, the end.

In a March 2021 podcast by Fresh And Fit, the controversial podcasters invited Kevin Samuels on their show and discussed gender roles, dating, and the likes. On the show, Kevin Samuels can be heard telling one female guest. “Why is fairness important in relationships? Men have always conquered other tribes. Men don’t care about fairness.”

Fresh and Fit recently came under more fire while preaching high-value man rhetoric, telling women that they, men, are the prize. On another episode of their podcast, the two Black men, Fresh and Fit, stated how they do not date Black women, or in their words, “no ‘Shaniquas.”

Black Men and High-Value Metrics

What’s so disturbing is that this type of misogyny and misogynoir easily finds refuge in the Black manosphere. Videos and clips of men (Black men especially) appealing to Black women’s sensibilities, titled Melanin Queens, Chocolate Goddess or Why Black Women are the Least Desirable, regularly get a lot of views. Preying on Black women is profitable. As a group, these men are participating in some strange phallic adoration ––– men high fiving each other for simply being men and misogynistic, I’m bored at this point.

Now, the hypercapitalism angle of the high-value conversation is simply a rebrand of an old idea, make more money and hold influence over others. Many of the self-proclaimed dating coaches and consultants, use a six-figure income as a starting point for measuring a high-value man. Unfortunately for most men, Black men especially, a six-figure salary is not a current reality.

According to the US Department of Labor, the average Black American man makes around 45,000.00 dollars annually, 20 percent lower than the national average for all men. The high-value conversation sits outside of the real-world context. The money metric excludes most people according to the high-value standard, so can we talk about quality of character now? In high-value conversations, the quality of a man’s character often gets omitted. In the high-value community, men are almost encouraged to cheat on their partners with impunity.

More Than Just Value

Men in the high-value sphere will often talk about building generational wealth. However, these men are usually only discussing the financial aspects of wealth. Therefore, resources like wealth of reputation, community, and wisdom go undiscussed. High-value metrics only account for finances and influence while ignoring an individual’s full humanity, thus ‘high-value’ relationships look overtly transactional––– sex and looks in exchange for money and relative comfort. To add, there are already competent sex workers who provide those services.

Moving forward, why should anyone choose between so-called, high-value relationships and financial struggles? The dating guru-sphere could have you believe that is all there is. However, there are other factors and options to be considered, perhaps being a high-quality individual for example. In the end, everyone should choose what is valuable to them.

Roderick Thomas

Roderick Thomas is an NYC based writer filmmaker