In the really old days of colonial America, husking bees were one way to meet women.
Corn harvests back then were backbreaking work. Farmers lightened the load by inviting their neighbors to a husking bee. Single men and women would sit together in a big room and husk. Whenever somebody uncovered a red ear, the deal was that they could kiss the person next to them. Among friends, gossip and cider, everyone had an enjoyable evening.
We’ve now gone way past husking bees. Many people now meet via their smartphone. Some of the most downloaded mobile dating apps are Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, Raya and Match. Tinder and Bumble are the most popular.
We did a quick Q&A with dating app ghostwriter, dating coach, and dating expert Meredith Golden of Spoon Meet Spoon. For a price, Golden will help you write your profile, and help you through the online schema. Once some suitable partners have turned up, it goes back to you to actually go on the date. We asked her about the dating app scene.
RHSR: What are the pros and cons of using these apps?
MG: Apps are designed to introduce people, a social lubricant if you will. Apps extract the awkwardness of having to approach someone in public or waiting on a friend to hopefully have manners and execute an intro.
Pros:
1. Efficiency of time—if you walk into a bar on a Saturday night, how many people will you actually be introduced to? Two or maybe three. If you swipe on an app for 60 seconds, how many introductions will this yield? Sixty seconds of swiping can, on average, generate 30 introductions. You see the difference. An app stacks the odds in your favor.
2. Great tool to test out the market and screen the dating pool to see who you are interested in. [There are] many options as you can use filters to search.
3. You only respond when it’s convenient for you – this goes back to efficiency of time.
4. You don’t have to get dressed to connect with someone. You can swipe and message from your couch, in pajamas while snuggling with your puppy. What could be better?!
Cons: Not many, as I love dating apps, but singles need to practice good judgment and minimize time on the apps; otherwise it’s inconsistent and unsuccessful and this leads to dating fatigue.
RHSR: Do you think dating apps have helped or hindered face-to-face interactions?
MG: Helped 1000 percent! Singles meet more people today for micro-dates than they did 10 years ago.
RHSR: Would you recommend individuals using one dating app at a time?
MG: Yes, because consistency is key and less is more. Twenty to 30 minutes a day on one app will generate better results than 60 minutes a day on two apps. It’s really hard to consistently spend a full hour on dating apps. Being inconsistent yields missed opportunities and cranky swipers.
RHSR: What do you think are good approaches to initiating a successful conversation?
MG: Less is more. A simple hello with one question about something stated in their profile. Don’t write a novel.
RHSR: Can you give some advice for safely using dating apps?
MG: Stay in public. Get a last name and Google someone before you meet. If you see something you don’t like, politely cancel. You don’t want to ruffle feathers, especially with someone whom you just discovered something suspicious about. Hook up on Life360 so someone can track you. If you get the creeps from someone, trust your intuition and politely exit a date. Don’t get in a car with a stranger. Stay in public. Don’t let someone walk you to your car. Watch your drink. Practice safe sex if things advance. Protect your time – it’s precious, and no one will care about your time like you do.
